I have no Earthly idea what the fuck is going on in this or why he just limp-dick humped this other dude's ass, but it did remind me of Tekken. Porn of Tekken? Live action Tekken porn no less?! If it were Paul Phoenix I might be able to get into it.

Okay, I finally found a finger fetish video that made me giggle. Someone explain what is up with the drool fetish factor in this one? Does someone get turned on by Down's Syndrome levels of drool all over the place?

Okay, so I got a request for some finger fetish stuff and though this one isn't quite humorous to me, I thought I'd give him what he asked for - and as a sorry for accidentally deleting one of his comments (so sorry).

I know I haven't been updating like I should, but my New Year's resolution is to get way ahead schedule on this blog so even when life gets in the way, I don't have to worry about you not having updates to laugh at and spank to.

So this is my Christmas present to you all. Nothing weird about it, except how much she probably spent on that costume, but it will definitely put some of you in the holiday cheer.

Okay, okay, you fuckin' pervs! I knew just one measly photo wasn't going to tide you over all night, not while you're all hyped up on candy. So here. I went out and found a really slutty chick who is ready to fuck the sense right out of the headless horseman. Wait, can he have sense without a head?

Oh whatever, you don't care about logistics. Here. Get your jollies and your rocks off all in one.

Happy Halloween, dear MSFTs!

Another Halloween and you're sitting at home by yourself, pulling your pud to weird porn? It's okay, I knew you'd be here. That's why I came prepared.


I can't read the signature and the site I found this on didn't give credit so if you are the artist or know the artist or can read that signature, let me know and I'll give credit where it's due.

Now, go dream of shoving Jackolanterns up a girl's cunt and leave me alone, you pervs; I have trick-or-treating to do.

Okay, this is more than just a Human Centipede scene, this is the full second movie, known as The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence.

I don't get it. I love horror movies, but this wasn't scary at all. It wasn't even as disgusting as most people kept making it out to be. Sure, there's some blood and the whole idea of ass to mouth centipede people is pretty disgusting, but this movie has absolutely no substance beyond that. It's just really, really boring.

I guess this would feed the needs of a shit fetish person though. Really, that's the only way I could ever imagine someone might find this interesting; they have a shit fetish.

I was going to say this was the start of a Halloween marathon, but seeing as it's not scary, I feel like I'd be lying.

I love these spoof pornos. Star Trek porno. The only thing more entertaining is Batman porno, and really, that's just my preference for Batman.

Get your geek on; cum long and procreate.

Even carrots need love.

Okay, this was on Tosh.0. Again, the boyfriend found this; he really has terrible taste and I can't figure out if it's because he's looking for weird porn to jerk to or if he just has bad enough taste to like Tosh.0. I'd really rather he look it up for masturbation purposes.

You know, people go to really strange lengths to masturbate. I mean, we spend millions on porn and sex toys every year in the world.

And all this time you could have been getting sex toys completely free!

Apparently, to shit fetish people, shit is multipurpose. It not only goes into a toilet bowel, gets eaten or squishes in your pants (seriously, what is wrong with these shit fetish people?), it can be used to masturbate.

My boyfriend sent this to me. I really, really hate my boyfriend. Though I guess he was getting me back because I usually test all this material on him - and without warning about what pictures I'm sending. Is it naked pictures of me? Or a woman masturbating with shit?

There is so much weird here, I'm not even sure where to start. So midget, clown, obesity, diaper play, birthday party.

Go!

I have shown many, many weird BDSM fuck hentai shows around here (you'd think I was tired of it by now), but this hentai show, Pigeon Blood, is the weirdest and most violent I have ever encountered. This is just a clip of it (with a second hentai that I have no idea what is) and it's rather tame compared to the full show but you will witness the forced rape fetish, double penetration, tranny (with two penises so she does the double penetration all by herself) and a pussy face! No, I'm not kidding. Seriously, I'm not!

After all the tantra massage stuff I posted last month, I thought it was time I showed a sensual gay massage. This is definitely not like those straight men, gay sex massage videos. This is a completely sensual, tantrasex massage.

I hate to admit it, but there's something kind of sexy about the whole masturbate with a gun thing, but I'd never do it with an actual gun. Way too many chances for a mistake. Of course, this guy doesn't seem the least bit worried about shooting this chick in the cunt.

I promised you more videos of Goatse and here it is!

As if the ass stretched out big enough to have a head inserted wasn't freaky enough, this guy has a serious horse bestiality fetish! As do his viewers, as they are now requesting uploads of him fucking an actual stallion. Apparently these weirdos have never heard of Mr. Hands.... or they have and are trying to hurry Goatse's demise.

Whatever. Watch and laugh.

The inside of the vagina! We have seen the cervix during an orgasm, so now it's time to see the rest of the vagina.

That is a perfectly normal vagina but it looks like it has teeth. Good God, how are penises not totally and completely traumatized by that horrible, pulpy, fleshy place?

Is this a birthing fetish or anal bizarre fetish? I'm really just horribly confused... and really scared by this. I mean, those things look like real babies to an extent! They're all wrinkly like newborns and covered in Vaseline. If only he'd put red food coloring in the Vaseline it would have looked even more real!

I've talked about the hair fetish before, but I really just kind of avoided it after that point, because well, it's just not that extreme.

After some considerable thought, and after finding some more strange comments about the shaved fetish, I thought it did deserve another look. So enjoy!

We will start with the shaved face fetish and move on from there!

What the hell? That's... really all I can think to say. Who the hell wants to suck on dirty, mud-stained feet after someone goes on a sweaty, stinky hike?

I don't get it. Like feet? Okay, you're weird, but not a freak. Like smelly feet? What the hell? you're on par with someone who wants to eat a yeasty vagina at that point!

Apparently the guy getting his toes sucked on is straight, but I have my doubts since this is some serious gay gagging worthy shit.

You know what's really been missing from this blog of horrifying and creepy fetishes? Goatse. That's right. We have not yet delved into the horror that is goatse. Even the most committed anus stretching perverts cannot compare with the terror that is goatse's manhole.

So today, I present Kirk J; that's Goatse's real name, in case you didn't know. He's into anus stretching, in case that wasn't painfully, and I mean painfully obvious and urination. Oh and probably bestiality, but we'll delve into that later.

So I know all of you are cheap assholes, otherwise you wouldn’t be looking here for free porn. It’s okay, your cheapskate secrets are safe with me. And, thankfully, you can get lots of things in this world for free, including some items to meet your horrific fetish needs.

Just check out this awesome site, where everything is totally free: Listia.com. And here’s a few kinky items to get you started browsing.

If you thought shitting was sexy, or prolapses just wait until you set your eyes on farting! That's right, farting is the new shitting and it's sexier than ever!

Wait... ew.

All those hemorrhoids and a few of those girls even look understandably disgusted while they're perched behind that farting ass. How can someone find this sexy? What the hell happened to you that the smell of dead skunks makes you horny?

Oh, and the girl 'catching' farts in her mouth... priceless.

Once upon a time, I mentioned Avatar porn, and today, I deliver! This time I really am talking about the big blue monsters that fuck with their hair.

Sadly, they aren't fucking with their hair. What the hell?! So not canon!

Sadly, other than them being painted rather well to look like the people from Avatar, this was really boring. I say again, if you make porn boring, stop making porn!

I was looking for something about snow or ice to help us all think cooler thoughts for this hot, miserable summer and I found this. It didn't really make me feel any cooler, but it did make me think some things.

First, why is it that men who are into BDSM are almost always torturing themselves?

Second, why do no women seem to subject themselves to punishment? They always seem to have someone else on hand to subject them to a BDSM fuck.

Does it have something to do with a lack of female mistresses that really like cock and ball torture (I mean, I know you can pay for it, but that doesn't mean they like it) or is it just that women find it easier to find someone to go with their fetishes?

Whatever. Watch this dude roll around in the snow while pouring hot wax on his cock and balls.

A penny is a lot more than the average Joe will make for their dirty thoughts. Unless you’re actively producing or making pornography/erotica or running a sex hotline, then you are probably keeping your thoughts to yourself or sharing them with others for free.

Wouldn’t it be better to get paid for your filthy knowledge?

Here are some questions to get you started about a variety of fetishes. Know anything about any of these? Know anything about any of the other, millions of questions on WebAnswers.com, then give them an answer.

It's the 4th of July again and I thought we MSFTs could celebrate by watching BDSM. Brutal doesn't even cover my thoughts on this when he shoves fireworks up her loose asshole. He's weirdly worried about her comfort for being a dom. He keeps asking if she's okay throughout; hell, as long as there were no burn marks I'd have kept going even if she started crying like a whore. I like fireworks though.

I guess, if you've got the freedom, use it to do the freakiest stuff possible!

As promised last week, I thought I would give you a break from all the vagina massaging and show a few cock shots. So here you go!

Is she a virgin? Yeah, I seriously doubt it. Is she on the rag? Most definitely!

I guess if you have a serious blood fetish this might do it for you. Me, personally, it put me off having sex while I'm on my period, that's for sure.

This is almost like penis guro or something in real life. It's like the skin is being stripped off of his dick and he's slowly bleeding out. Funny story about that; my dad said that happened to him the first time he screwed my mom (yeah, I know way more about my parents than I should).

Wait, more yoni tantra massage? This just seems unfair! Why aren't any cocks getting massaged?!

In due time, young grasshopper, in due time.

Also, I have been doing research for a book I am writing and it involves a great deal of tantra. The yoni tantra massage was the first thing I introduced. I've expanded my video finds so there will be more tantrasex and nude massages to come.

Today we're going to take a look at the Indian culture and the practice of tantra. This video is not an exact replica of the yoni tantra massage experience, but it is a very interesting modern take on it. (In case you couldn't tell by my tone, I really don't find this to be weird; I do, however, find it very interesting and think others might enjoy it, too).

What's weird is, I discovered this yoni massage is somehow related to the ball stretching massage I was so absolutely confused by a few months ago. That's right, massage her vagina, she'll pull on your nuts in return. Just like a woman!

Is this a pumped pussy? Is it a cream pie? Is that yogurt? Is it just a really nasty yeast infection?

Is this the vagina that inspired the movies Teeth and Penetration Angst?

I don't know what this thing is, but it's freaky and it made me cringe each time more white gunk fell out of her swollen cunt.

Whatever it is, I don't recommend putting your dick in there, or even a sex toy. That things looks seriously infected and, if you weren't aware, men can get yeast infections. At least it's not falling out like this sexy, sexy prolapse though.

And now, an important update from the Mystery Sex Fetish Theater owner.

I'm sorry to say that I can't keep up with this blog as much as I used to. It's been a fun ride, but I'm not making any money off this blog at all to cover the cost of the time it takes me both to find pornography that is suitable and to post it up - being witty and sarcastic takes more time and thought than some believe.

Thank you to those who have followed me all this time and enjoyed the content I have provided. And never fear! I am not going anywhere. The site is not going anywhere and it will be updated with new content still. There will always be new, weird fetishes to laugh at - or as most of you nasty, perverts probably do, jerk off to.

I will now be updating the blog just once a week. There may be some weeks where I find a particularly heavy cache of strange-ness, but for the most part, once a week is all it will be. You will still get the same high-quality pithy remarks and sarcastic comments alongside the weird, creepy and fascinating fetishes, so don't worry about that.

Again, thank you to my loyal readers who have followed along here and who, I hope, will continue to do so despite the lower posting rate.

I may experiment with the site in order to try and get more out of the ads. If I make enough I would feel justified in continuing at the previous rate of posting. So if the site looks a little different do not be alarmed; there is nothing wrong.

And just because I know I cannot get your attention with text alone, here's some weird guro hentai for you:


I believe the authors name is Kotoe. All I have to say is, you sick, sick bastard. Now why the hell can't I stop staring at it?

The vagina boob is my favorite part.

A lol-worthy example of how not to do 3D animation, even when compared to other XXX toon porn.

If you will notice during the oral sex scene, the man is thrusting his cock into his bottom's forehead while at the same time shooting a fountain of cum - I mean it, it actually looks like one of those water fountains - right through the guy's head.

It's okay, he got better. He might not be coming back after taking a penis into the base of his spine though. And no, I don't mean his ass. I mean he actually got stabbed in the lower back.

Happy birthday MSFT,
You're really swell; it's okay.
Been a year to the day.
Take the night off, let's play.

Happy birthday Mystery Sex Fetish Theater! You're a year older, a year raunchier, a year more fucked up and hopefully there will be many more years of laughter, and insanely pricey therapist bills, to come.

When I was little I always loved the movie Aladdin: Return of Jafar. I loved Jafar. I thought he was one of the best bad guys in the world. Best yet, he was powerful.

Even as a kid I was drawn to power and that made Jafar sexy later in my life, especially as a genie.

Guess Jasmine got the memo that power is amazing.

It's just a photo but this is probably one of my favorite Disney sex cartoons I've ever seen. It's classy and amazingly well-drawn.

I will never claim to know what all vaginas in the world look like. As such, as I usually try not to judge vaginas too much, even the ones with disgusting, hanging beef curtains and other weird problems. What's weird to me, is probably sexy to someone else.

But this thing, this... horrible vagina that looks like a cunt pumping monstrosity, except that it's not pumped, is ... horrible. I keep expecting it to open up and have teeth!

That's a huge bitch!

This woman is supposedly catering to the rape fetish in people, but I have a really hard time believing its rape since 1. she came prepared with her asshole and pussy lubed and pre-stretched, 2. she's moaning like a $2 whore (ironically, how much she was probably paid for this) and 3. she's smiling at her rapists.

This is a seriously light BDSM fuck, despite how hardcore they're trying to make it seem with their masks and kidnapping her.

I have seen some weird advanced masturbation techniques in my time running this blog. I have also seen some pretty bizarre fisting. Never before have I seen the two combined so seemlessly, except, perhaps, by Max Hardcore (whom I need to introduce you to soon).

This guy actually jerks himself off while fucking her in the ass. That's some serious talent... or creepiness, I'm not really sure.

Dragon licks a girls nipples then devours her. Good old vore.

How exactly is this sexy? Are there people who actually dream of being eaten by dragons?

His costume is comical beyond belief, so this is definitely not going to be jerk material for you yiffy sex and fursuit fans out there, but the rest of us will definitely get a good laugh. If you record your excitement and then the letdown when you see what his costume looks like, I'd appreciate giggling over it.

What? Too mean? Fursuit sex fetish-ists and yiffy fags don't have feelings. Like hookers and strippers.

Now that I've possibly alienated those of you who think I'm serious, when he fingered her with that glove on, it made my vagina hurt for her.

This is a musical, pornographic rendition of Alice in Wonderland. Yes, musical version. And the singing is actually good; like someone put a lot of thought into these songs and the actors sing well. I kept forgetting this was a porno until some weird sex scene showed up, like getting licked dry by cat people. I want to do movies like this; I have never thought of being a porn actress - mostly just a stripper - but this movie and this director, who is obviously pure awesome, make me wanna do porn.

Previously I showed the second episode of Shinsou no Reijoutachi but I never got around to actually watching the first one. Seriously, as weird as the second one was, I wasn't sure I wanted to watch the first one at all.

This one is way different and focuses on a whole different set of fetishes. I have trouble laughing at the various toilet fetishes, because they're so disgusting, but this was just so over the top I couldn't help but laugh my ass off.

"Feed Sachi her food." Talk about a shitting fetish. Who eagerly laps up someone's shit? And how do you avoid getting diseases if you're hooked up to the toilet day and night?

People who masturbate on video without actually doing anything are obviously never going to make it onto this site. So why on earth, you may ask, am I posting what looks like some regular dude jerking off with a mask on?

Well, play the video and you'll see. As I do not have a penis, I'm not sure if this is something that's difficult to accomplish, if every guy does it at least once in his life, or what, but this made me laugh so damn hard just because all those streams of cum are slapping him right in the face. Good thing he wore the mask, right?

I just had to come back to Massage Bait one more time. I found this video when I was looking through their content and it just left me scratching my head because during the regular part of the massage, this hairy bear has a raging boner.

My immediate thought was, "How do you handle that during a real massage?" It's bound to happen, right? (Yet another reason I am a proud owner of a vagina). So do you just lay there and pretend it's not happening? And as the massage therapist what do you do? Hopefully not spread massage oil all over it like in this massage fetish video, but hey, let me know!

After the armpit sniffing gay massage video yesterday, I thought I would introduce the armpit fetish to this site. I realize I have somehow never actually done that. But because sniffing armpits just isn't weird enough, I went for a doozy. This dude has some seriously pumped nipples and gets an awkward armpit fuck from his boyfriend.

Okay, once again I have returned. I swear I'm going to get my act together. I've just had a few clusterfuck of life events happen and well, I'm the only one running this so it suffers when I do. But, I come with a video.



Wait, what the hell? That's just gay sex! How is that weird?! Seriously? Weeks behind in posting and this is what you offer?

Now, now, calm down. You just have to see where this gay sex video actually started! I've offered massage fetish videos for straight men and massage fetish videos for women, but never anything for the gay man. Let's watch.

I know I’ve been missing posting for quite a few days now. I did come out of my Internet coma to post for Easter though, so I should get a cookie for that. Basically, I haven’t been online at all for the last couple weeks. I got Dragon Age 2 and it’s been eating up my time.

I come baring an after Easter gift. Really, I'm like that honey glazed ham in the fridge, I just keep giving even after the holiday has passed. And this Zombie Christ movie is about on par with a lackluster ham sandwich, so enjoy! I recommend getting some of that leftover ham and enjoying them both together.

This is softcore porn by the uncreatively named, Bill Zebub. Okay, maybe it's not creative, but it did make me giggle more than Lucifer Valentine.

Note: If you're a morally upright Christian (what the Hell are you doing on this site then, liar, liar pants on fire?) then you should definitely watch this and then send me hate mail! I love hate mail and I haven't received any in a few weeks.

I made today's title specifically for the yiffy porn lovers of the MSFT leagues because I felt bad - not really - about calling you guys fags the other day (once upon a time, that post came before this one. Oops). How dare I malign such a noble group! The fags haven't done anything wrong!

I have never understood the appeal of a man or woman wearing a headband with animal ears on it. How exactly is that sexy? And it's not just the fursuit sex fetish people or the yiffy porn people that like it. Somewhere along the way society told us little girls with animal ears are cute and women with animal ears are sexy.

If someone has some insight into this, let me know.

And in the meantime, you might want to put the Easter eggs out yourself. I'm pretty sure these are the Easter Bunnies getting their tailholes fucked thoroughly. They also keep violating carrots, so if this is your house, you need to throw out the vegetables.

Happy Easter, MSFTs!

And the final installment of Sailor Moon and the Seven Ball!

If you watch nothing else of these weird hentai shows you must watch the first few seconds of this episode. It features Sailor Moon going to town on her own cock. That's right autofellatio with Sailor Moon.

A teenager - legal, but still a teenager - in a Pokemon costume masturbates. Does this count as cosplay? I mean, am I supposed to believe she's a female Pikachu masturbating? Or am I supposed to believe that she's a child who still watches Pokemon and is masturbating. Both options are incredibly creepy, but one is bordering on illegal.

I think I'll stick with old women pretending to be teenage Sailor Moon. I don't feel so squicky about that.

I mean Avatar the Last Air Bender, not Avatar with the giant, blue monsters that have sex with their hair. Though I will probably do a bunch of videos and pictures of that at some point too. For now, lolicon with the Avatar cartoon characters will be enough.

Because I know you've been waiting for it, here is episode 2 of the Sailor Moon and the 7 Balls hentai. The poor animation just seems to get worse as does the weirdness of this hentai.

Finally, the only anime porn that's more popular than Sailor Moon! Dragon Ball Z! This one actually makes me laugh really hard because the cut scenes from the original Dragon Ball Z episodes is put in, along with the music, making this appear like it's canon. In my world, Cell definitely fucked Android 18.

I'm willing to bet it is. There had to be a reason Cell was so willing to wait around for the tournament. He was just basking in the afterglow of an internal anal creampie.

I rate Japanese video games, especially those long RPGs, very closely with anime. And Final Fantasy was a big part of my childhood, just as much, if not more so, than anime like Dragon Ball Z.

If you ever thought there was something gay going on between Seifer and Squall - like I did - then you were wrong. The abundance of gay fetish pics in the Final Fantasy world prove that; I have only seen a couple with Seifer and Squall together, whereas this pairing seems to be the most popular.

I remember downloading this movie a long time ago. It was marked as an actual episode of Sailor Moon and boy was I surprised when I turned it on to find this. I guess that was my lesson learned for pirating bad anime.

This is episode one of the Sailor Moon and the Seven Balls hentai. There are way more than seven balls in this weird hentai, I assure you. As everyone has a set of balls; there are very few vaginas that didn't have a penis growing out of them.

You know, when I see Disney cartoon sex I feel like my childhood is being raped - sometimes literally. For some reason, despite growing up with anime like Dragon Ball Z and Sailor Moon, I have never really been disturbed by cosplay and hentai of it.

And that is why I'm going to do a couple weeks of XXX toon porn! And we're kicking the series off with Sailor Moon cosplay sex. Those boots are seriously fail, and what the hell is wrong with that one guy's dick? I have never seen a dick curve that much. It looks painful... for him and her.

While we're on the subject of guro sex again, I have more photos! I know you're just thrilled, excited and possibly even squeamish all at the same time. If you're not feeling squeamish then get help, you sick, sick fucker! Penis guro is actually pretty tough to find, but I did come across this lovely photo while doing a search for cartoon doctor. This is why safe search is so, so important.

But since I've been traumatized, I'll return the favor.

Sadly, instead of the peace-bringing lesbian warfare, you're much more likely to get this kind of situation.

Even though this is a weird rape fetish, hostage scenario, it was interestingly unique right up until the guy uses the shotgun while it's inside the woman's ass.

I guess if you're into anal gaping stretching, this is your movie!

If only real war looked like this there might be more peace and 'love' and less shooting each other.

So, my declaration when I rule the world will be that all soldiers must be female and fight in see-through bikinis. Even if they don't end up having a lesbian orgy like this it'll be way more fun to watch, right?

Many men wish their blowup dolls were real women with properly placed mouths, vagina and assholes, but have you ever wished your girlfriend was a blowup doll instead? I know I sure have. If only she looked that good and her damn mouth would stop moving, unless it was sucking my cock... well except I don't have any blowup dolls, a girlfriend or a cock, but you get my point!

If you could have that, this is what it would look like.

So you've tried fucking in water, you've even tried fucking underwater, but you still aren't getting that ear-popping pressure in your penis that you want? Well, clearly the next logical step is to get some scuba gear, a willing participant (even if you pay her, she is still willing) and have sex while scuba diving.

I have trouble imagining this feels all that great. I tried masturbating in the bath once and I couldn't feel anything over the pressure of the water.

Fucking in water isn't all that great. So maybe fucking underwater would be fun? I don't see how. It looks really slow and boring and I can't imagine there's any force behind the thrusts.

Is it just me or does he constantly look like he's holding her down when she clearly wants to go up for air?

All I could think while trying to watch this video to see what it was all about was 'omg, my eyes!' and how badly I wished the product 'eye bleach' really existed. I pondered using real bleach on my eyes, but decided if I was to have a last vision it would not be that.

This fat, hairy bear has so much body fat who has, not one set of moobs, but TWO. That's two sets of man boobs! Just... ew.

At least he doesn't call himself big and beautiful like obese women do.

A really unattractive woman gives an ass and ball massage to a man. Is it bad that I actually thought this was a woman during the ass massage? It wasn't until suddenly those balls were pulled into the massage fetish video that I realized it was a man. And actually, at first I just stared at the excess skin going, "what the fuck is that?" She does some serious ball stretching on that poor guy. Who goes in for a massage like this and why?

And what the hell is all that stuff in the photo shot? Are those condoms and lube? What is that for in Thai massage? Someone please tell me!

This is a weird foot fetish video where a Mistress wants to have the biggest feet. What woman wants to have BIG feet? That’s so weird. The slave girl doesn’t really have pretty feet; the fact that she has cankles is pretty unattractive. And the mistress doesn’t look like she has size 9 feet.

Do you remember when I showed the Maskhead snuff movie? That movie was messed up, right? Like someone wanted to make porn, but didn't want to work with an actual porn agency for marketing so they just made a shitty horror movie instead.

Well, I come baring more treats very similar to the Maskhead snuff movie. Movies like this have a little bit of every fetish and a whole lot to laugh at. Let's begin by laughing at the writer/producer/director of today's movie titled "Slow Torture Puke Chamber". He has dubbed himself Lucifer Valentine - at least I assume his parents weren't insane enough to name their child Lucifer. You never know.

In the opening credits alone you get to watch fake cocks shoot fake blood all over a probably real stripper. Who could ask for more from a movie?

Have you ever wanted nipples that looked like an entire roll of quarters stacked on top of each other? ....no? Well, have you ever wanted to have sex with a woman who had nipples like that!? ....still no? Well, damn. How about laugh at a woman whose pumped nipples look like that? I'm onto something now, aren't I?

Good, good. Well, this video will show how to do nipple pumping and you can get a good laugh or a good jerk off, whichever. It's up to you.

Today's post isn't really a weird fetish, so much as I was just really creeped out by the fact that my boyfriend sent me this and said she looked like me. Upon seeing her face my initial reaction was, her hair is similar, but her face is totally different.

Then this chubby BBW stood up and I was floored. This chick has my body! Well, except for how hairy she is; I'm clean-shaven. And maybe the face is slightly similar. You be the judge. That's right, for a limited time only, you will get to see photos of me (not that anyone asked or probably cares).

I have found proof that the internet is for porn and always has been for porn. Even back in the old days before graphics, when computers and the internet were just scrolling text on a screen, people still made porn. It's in our genes to share our perverse ideas.

Of course, I have yet to find any ASCII art of fisting or anything, so at least scrolling text kept it relatively clean.

All I could think after he started with the bizarre anal speculuming was 'oh my God, that woman's peehole is huge!

Does that make me weird? Maybe it makes me jaded. Though you'd think after all those peehole play videos I've seen I wouldn't be affected by large urethras. Maybe it's because hers, along with her whole pussy, looks so dry. It makes me think of someone masturbating completely dry. Why would you do that?! It must hurt so bad!

And why does that fake doctor keep blowing air up her asshole and pussy? What kind of fake gyno exam is this!?

This porn freak, Marcella, takes two cucumbers up her cunt and one guy throwing his cock in the gaping hole alongside them. Poor guy. The cucumbers do not look like they are making her tight enough for it to feel good for him. He might as well just rub his dick on a cucumber and cum on it. It would feel the same.

This decent looking blonde Russian girl looks entirely too awkward while receiving a foot massage. I know it's supposed to be feet XXX porn, but does she really have to pretend she's instantly horny and massaging her tits while eating?

It's all just a very strange combination and I just stared more than laughed - and wished I could have a foot massage, dammit.

While we're on the topic of gaping and stretching asses, let's take a look at this video. I'm not even sure how to categorize it. So... there is anal and bizarre stuff. There you go.

Self-fisting, a speculum with a baseball bat in it, a high heels fetish and more. I don't even know where to begin with this bizarre fisting and insertion video.

After the other day when I wanted to kick my own ass for not posting in a long while, I only managed to find a pussy stretching video with a foot involved. Well, I have now found a proper ass kicking; mind you, I want nothing to do with this type of ass kicking.

Giggle and laugh while you watch that humongous ass gaping and stretching.

It's my birthday and I wanted to celebrate with all my MSFTs. So I brought you all cake! That's right, I bought enough cake for all of you. How old am I? Shut up and eat your cake.

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                                    %%%  Susie Oviatt
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Be warned, this happened to it at the store. Not sure if you really want to eat cake made by a guy with a food fetish. But hey, if you're feeling adventurous, eat up.

As stated before, foot fetishes are usually pretty tame. But then people do weird highheels fetish porn where they lick the inside of their sweaty highheels. This guy decides a stiletto is the perfect advanced masturbation techniques toy. And why the hell not? Just look at that long, smooth... pointy... painful-looking highheel.

So now that Valentines Day is over, I want to move away from the holidays and a logical follow-up to a holiday where you play dress-up is investigating the depths of the highheels fetish, right? Well it is to me, so you're going to come along with me on this.

Usually foot fetishes and highheel fetishes are just odd, not completely freaky. They can go into the bizarre obviously as we've seen when people get feet in their vaginas and assholes, but normally it's pretty tame across the board.

Then I came to this. It starts and you see some ill-fitting, pretty ugly highheels walk into the scene - there are feet in them and the feet are pretty unattractive, but nothing freak-out worthy.

Then he, yes he, proceeds to licks his highheels. That's a serious highheels fetish right there.

I waited until after Valentines Day to share these precious desserts because... well it's obviously not Valentines Day desserts that they're using. It is really freaky though and all the leftover Valentines candy I saw at the store made me think about this.

Two late 30's women are dressed up in slutty clothing in childish colors, one of them even looks like that pink haired girl from Lazy Town, and one gets big suckers shoved up her pussy.

Serious pussy stretching going on with candy; I ... never wanted to imagine this at all, but now I do want to laugh at it.

I didn't feel much like finding any weird fetish sex pics, stories or videos today so I've opted to put together virtual Valentines gift baskets that you can present to your loved ones, friends, family, exes and enemies either for a good laugh or to suggest they entertain themselves in such a way.

First up is the use of chocolate as Valentines desserts:

Tits and a chocolate food fetish

You know, usually I post videos to laugh at. Usually, all us MSFTs get together and have a great giggle over people's weird fetishes, poorly made videos and all that. But while looking for the perfect Valentines Day present to complete the virtual Valentines gift baskets I've put together here, I found this video.

I did not laugh. Instead, I sat and stared, absolutely transfixed by the erotic, sensual nature of the video.

Perhaps that is the mystery for the sex fetish theater today. How some porn can actually captivate you and seem loving.

Enjoy your Valentines Day gift, MSFTs. I don't see many more videos like this happening.

These aren't really Valentines day balloons, I guess since they're all kinds of colors, but the soft, pastel colors make me think of Valentines Day anyway.

This girl is getting her introduction into the balloon looner fetish; Valentines Day balloon popping fetish for your lolling pleasure. Or if you're feeling daring today, go set up your own Valentines Day games in a bathtub full of balloons! Remember, even if they're latex, they don't protect from STDs, pregnancy or... anything really. You might even get a rash on your snatch.

...just sayin'.

What is a guy to do when he can't get a date for Valentines Day? Using an advanced masturbation technique is obviously necessary to ensure the best holiday cheer, but what you really want is a blowjob on Valentines Day.

Creating your own autofellation video is the answer!

This guy doesn't need a Valentines Day date, he can give himself all the love he needs. Stick with the video to the end; I know it's long, but the cumshot boogers about 12 minutes in had me simultaneously gagging and laughing.

As usual, I almost always end up focusing on the 'male fantasy' during holidays - of course, most porn is made for men so that could be why, and also, most men have the weirdest fucking fetishes they want women to live out, but are too pussy to ask a real woman to do. Thus, sex fetish porn is born.

Anyway, rambling aside, I bring a little something for the ladies and a tiny something for the plushie yiff fans.

What do you mean posing your cock with stuffed animals is weird? And that the odd montage of a random girl at the end is weird? Obviously you're just crazy because this is what every girl wants for Valentines Day.

Dress all pretty for Valentines Day, all those pretty, red balloons laying around and no man or Valentines desserts to be seen. Whatever shall a lonely girl and her... older MILF friend do?

Alternately, these women work at the balloon boutique. Pre-Valentines Day there aren't a lot of calls for balloons. It's a boring job. Whatever shall they do with themselves?

Well, obviously, create a balloon fetish video! Watch these two girls roll around with, pop and bounce on top of those Valentines Day balloons.

Which story did you prefer? I'm so thinking I need to make a porn based on one of those.

More Valentines Day games with chocolate!

According to the throaty, whispery porn star - whom I want to punch for using that fake, stupid sounding voice - this is a hot fudge sundae, so maybe it's more like Valentines desserts than games.

I've never seen three girls pretend to be so happy about sharing one rather lame and unimpressive Valentines dessert before.

I'm kicking off Valentines Day early with some tips for Valentines Day games, desserts, toys and other ideas for the holiday!

What are Valentines Day games without chocolate? Nothing, I tell you, absolutely nothing! So go buy some chocolate sauce and prepare a sexy Valentines Day game for yourself and your lover. Or just yourself if you're single; no reason you can't treat yourself.

Boobs covered in chocolate aught to be great Valentines Day desserts, but... there's something wonky and nasty about those tits. Definitely lulz-worthy, but not Valentines worthy.

Yet more Belladonna! I promised you more freak and I am delivering with this squirting sluts video.

I'm tempted to say there's no bonus points for lesbians this time, because that's what Belladonna seems to prefer doing. I've only seen her fuck men a few times.

Like what you see? Love the thought of a bigger wet spot than before? Teach your girlfriend to squirt!

I've decided to give you more Belladonna. Why? Because that woman is a freak and there is no better fodder for my blog than the freaks of porn.

To be honest, this video seems tame to me just because it's the only Belladonna video I've seen where she's not taking fists or feet up her stretched vagina and ass. The fact that she's being milked like a cow though is pretty hilariously redeeming. Watch the nipple pumping madness!

More bonus points for lesbians!

Sorry I haven't posted recently. Life has just been kicking my ass.

Speaking of ass kicking, I'm back with everyone's favorite slut, Belladonna, taking a foot up her... okay it's not quite ass kicking, but that is one stretched vagina and there is definitely a foot involved.

Bonus points for lesbians!

Need more Belladona in your life? I think so.

If sex on the beach sounds a bit too... well let's just say you don't want to know some of the places you can find sand when you're done, then you might want to try having sex in a park. Yet another place where it's legal to have sex in public, Amsterdam.

What isn't legal in Amsterdam though?

To keep with the public sex combo BDSM clip and other fetishes thing I've got going, here's one sure to... well probably disgust you.

Piss slaves - I think they must be piss slaves, or at least slaves to money who have no morals - pissing in public. If only they were pissing on national monuments I might actually be impressed. Just pissing on a sidewalk or behind a bus is more like something a dirty, drunk and deranged homeless person does.

I'm still not sure if this BDSM clip is actually in real public or in a staged public setting, but I thought I'd give some tips for people who want to have sex in public legally. Yes, that's right, it is legal to have sex in public in some places. First up, let's talk about the UK.

I realized today that there was something I had not posted very much of and it surprised me a bit to realize this. I have only posted a BDSM clip here and there, and that's bizarre because BDSM is like furries, it gets combined with just about every fetish imaginable.

So here's a hard BDSM fuck. Of course, I'm not sure how actual BDSM it is since the girl is clearly making demands, such as "I want the audience to call me a fucking whore!" I'm also not sure this is really in 'public' or even with a non-porno industry audience, but it's an interesting twist on the public sex idea if it is.

Getting your head shaved on camera for the enjoyment of thousands of hair fetish-ists around the world. Does it please you to know they jack off to you nightly?

If anything, the discovery of the hair fetish, makes me never want to get my hair cut again. Of course, then there's a whole other group of hair fetishists out there who love long hair only with no cutting. The quandaries these perverts have put me in...

Is this weirder or more normal than say, a balloon looner?

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