So I know all of you are cheap assholes, otherwise you wouldn’t be looking here for free porn. It’s okay, your cheapskate secrets are safe with me. And, thankfully, you can get lots of things in this world for free, including some items to meet your horrific fetish needs.

Just check out this awesome site, where everything is totally free: Listia.com. And here’s a few kinky items to get you started browsing.

If you thought shitting was sexy, or prolapses just wait until you set your eyes on farting! That's right, farting is the new shitting and it's sexier than ever!

Wait... ew.

All those hemorrhoids and a few of those girls even look understandably disgusted while they're perched behind that farting ass. How can someone find this sexy? What the hell happened to you that the smell of dead skunks makes you horny?

Oh, and the girl 'catching' farts in her mouth... priceless.

Once upon a time, I mentioned Avatar porn, and today, I deliver! This time I really am talking about the big blue monsters that fuck with their hair.

Sadly, they aren't fucking with their hair. What the hell?! So not canon!

Sadly, other than them being painted rather well to look like the people from Avatar, this was really boring. I say again, if you make porn boring, stop making porn!

I was looking for something about snow or ice to help us all think cooler thoughts for this hot, miserable summer and I found this. It didn't really make me feel any cooler, but it did make me think some things.

First, why is it that men who are into BDSM are almost always torturing themselves?

Second, why do no women seem to subject themselves to punishment? They always seem to have someone else on hand to subject them to a BDSM fuck.

Does it have something to do with a lack of female mistresses that really like cock and ball torture (I mean, I know you can pay for it, but that doesn't mean they like it) or is it just that women find it easier to find someone to go with their fetishes?

Whatever. Watch this dude roll around in the snow while pouring hot wax on his cock and balls.

A penny is a lot more than the average Joe will make for their dirty thoughts. Unless you’re actively producing or making pornography/erotica or running a sex hotline, then you are probably keeping your thoughts to yourself or sharing them with others for free.

Wouldn’t it be better to get paid for your filthy knowledge?

Here are some questions to get you started about a variety of fetishes. Know anything about any of these? Know anything about any of the other, millions of questions on WebAnswers.com, then give them an answer.

It's the 4th of July again and I thought we MSFTs could celebrate by watching BDSM. Brutal doesn't even cover my thoughts on this when he shoves fireworks up her loose asshole. He's weirdly worried about her comfort for being a dom. He keeps asking if she's okay throughout; hell, as long as there were no burn marks I'd have kept going even if she started crying like a whore. I like fireworks though.

I guess, if you've got the freedom, use it to do the freakiest stuff possible!