Hey, MSFTs! Back for another attempt at a birthday I see? Well, today the blog turns 2 years old and I wanted to try to celebrate with cake again.

I know it didn't go well the last few times. I mean there was the whole cake fucking fiasco then Harley Quinn put Batgirl on it and then a BBW obese nearly ate your whole hand, but this time I think I've got it down!

This cute blonde girl is just lighting the candles now. Come have some.

I bought a delicious three-layer cake for all of you for my birthday!

And don't worry about the whole cake fucking thing last year - and if you had some and got sick, you can't say I didn't warn you - but this year I watched the production and I promise, no one fucked this cake.

So go on and have a piece!

Food eating fetish combined with a burping fetish. Now all we need is for her to lean to the left and start farting and she's got the trifecta!

I don't get it. How is this considered sexy? At least she's not a giant BBW obese pig, but other than a pretty girl eating, what makes this sexy? How does someone's brain begin to relate eating food to a hard-on? Seriously.

Don't these stupid women realize that milk is supposed to be for their babies?

I'm not actually sure that first woman is lactating at all; there is a lot of milk even for a lactation fetish. It looks more like the woman had milk in her mouth and just spit it out every now and then. What a waste of milk.

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Whoever thought Chun Li would serve the shemale fetish crowd? Beyond that, who expected she would be stuffing dildos into her stretched vagina and asshole while having beads stuffed down her pisshole and into her nipples. That's right, right in her nipples.

All while she sucks her own dick.

What the hell? Just, what the hell?

Obesity is funny, especially when the person seems to think they are attractive. Not only does this man have an unhealthy fascination with fucking fruit - and his asshole looks like it is seriously messed up - but his flaps of fat on his ass and legs are black and grey. Seriously, how long do you have to sit on your fat ass every day to make your skin look necrotic?

This is so weird. This woman has a ton of videos where she tickles and strokes peoples' feet until they fall asleep. They're all a bit weird, but sort of understandable for a foot fetish person, but this foot rape video takes the cake.

No seriously, she is raping this girl's feet. The teen girl keeps screaming 'No, don't do this!' and on and on and the woman keeps going until the girl passes out. And each time she wakes up, the older woman jumps her, forces her down and tickles her feet again.

So freakin' weird!

The whole Princess Knight hentai shows thing is apparently really popular, because there are entire batches of these things done. This is the third, and final episode, of the Himekishi Catue show. It's actually pretty weird throughout, this was just the one with an anthro dragon yiff scene which made me laugh so hard.

Once again we have the incest fetish covered as well as gushing cum fountains, stomach inflation, stretched vaginas and assholes, hentai monster sex and much, much more.

Something is really, really wrong with these hentai producers.

Himekishi Lilia is probably not one of the weirdest hentai shows I have seen, but it covers a huge range of weird sex fetishes including hentai monster sex orgies, brutal incest rape, a girl that turns into a cat, double penetration, triple penetration, tentacle monsters, fisting, cum mountains and well, just go see for yourself.

I think there are six episodes in the whole series, but this is video 5, where it started getting really, really weird.

Okay, I have a serious weakness for pornos parading as horror movies and I just have to share another one with you. This movie is called Faust: Love of the Damned. From ketchup-colored blood to horrible CGI with inflating boobs and butt and a lame, super orgy at the end, this movie is a hilariously awful excuse for 'horror' and porn.

I often wonder what happened to my hair after I sold it. I know who bought it - not that I'd want to talk to that freak ever again (hear that, freak? Stop IMing me!), but after watching the below video, I think I have a fairly good idea what he does with it.

Someone tell me, is that a real person in that chair or did he just set a wig up on a chair to look like a head? It moves at the end, but it only topples forward a tiny bit, so either he drugged someone to fuck her hair (I wouldn't put it past some of you sick hair fetish fucks) or it's not a person.

Which is it?

I don't have a hair fetish or anything, but holy cow that girl's hair is gorgeous! I have thick hair, but it's never been that beautifully thick. And yes, this is my way of trying to pretend that some asshole isn't yanking on her hair and rubbing his little pecker on it.

She's got a very Aladdin's Jasmine look to her hair.

She's also got her feet bound up together and the tip of her braid is tied to, I think it's just tied to one of her toes, but it might be tied to both. The camera was shaky.

As I look at peehole sounding videos, I realize that there seems to be a hugely disproportionate number of itty bitty cocks getting rods shoved down them.

Is this an overcompensation method? Is it like driving a big car, but they couldn't afford a car so they bought a rod to shove down their cock?

Just look at that poor teeny cock. The sounding rod would probably be more fun to fuck.

I'm amazed in that way you can be amazed by really, really disgusting things that shouldn't even be possible; you know, like when a guy can do autofellatio.

You don't see many women into peehole play, but even fewer that stretch to that particular width. Holy fuck... and I mean that in a 'I cringed but couldn't look away' kind of way.

Enjoy.

Learn how to prolapse your own asshole! You are taught how to get a prolapsed vagina if you so desire, too! Because what's sexier than getting a prolapse during sex?

Oh right, not having your vagina or asshole fall out during sex. Or maybe I'm just old-fashioned. Whatever. This tutorial made me laugh my ass off... out?

Oh and watch for the part where the woman sticks her nipple into the other woman's prolapsed vagina like she's fucking it. WTF? Just... WTF?

I don't usually care much for sex toys, but this fetish fantasy inflatable sex machine looks freaking awesome!

I've seen tons of fuck machines online, but they always look less than safe and some even strike me as hazards because of how they're made with no cushioning and gears and metal bits and bobs sticking out. This thing looks amazing though.

I'm going to consider investing in one.

I wonder if this guy realizes that fucking a real sex doll with a fuck machine isn't going to do anyone any good.

These Japanese love doll/real doll toys look pretty realistic, but they're not, right? I mean, they're really not, right? There's not an adult version of Toy Story out there, is there?

And this is what all of those self fucking weirdos are trying to get to! This is the ultimate in advanced masturbation techniques; cumming up your own ass!

Keep me updated on your practicing, especially if you injure your penis.

Okay, so you've learned how to shove your dick up your own ass, but how about getting something else up there too? That's what dildos are for!

Actually, doesn't his dick look seriously mashed up? Are they supposed to look like that? As a vagina-owner I'm not sure if that would hurt, but it makes me cringe. Can someone tell me if penises are supposed to do that?

Okay, so autofellatio I thought was the new thing for self love and advanced masturbation techniques, but apparently I was wrong. You can love yourself in a whole new way with this self fuck method!

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