This decent looking blonde Russian girl looks entirely too awkward while receiving a foot massage. I know it's supposed to be feet XXX porn, but does she really have to pretend she's instantly horny and massaging her tits while eating?

It's all just a very strange combination and I just stared more than laughed - and wished I could have a foot massage, dammit.

While we're on the topic of gaping and stretching asses, let's take a look at this video. I'm not even sure how to categorize it. So... there is anal and bizarre stuff. There you go.

Self-fisting, a speculum with a baseball bat in it, a high heels fetish and more. I don't even know where to begin with this bizarre fisting and insertion video.

After the other day when I wanted to kick my own ass for not posting in a long while, I only managed to find a pussy stretching video with a foot involved. Well, I have now found a proper ass kicking; mind you, I want nothing to do with this type of ass kicking.

Giggle and laugh while you watch that humongous ass gaping and stretching.

It's my birthday and I wanted to celebrate with all my MSFTs. So I brought you all cake! That's right, I bought enough cake for all of you. How old am I? Shut up and eat your cake.

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                                    %%%  Susie Oviatt
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Be warned, this happened to it at the store. Not sure if you really want to eat cake made by a guy with a food fetish. But hey, if you're feeling adventurous, eat up.

As stated before, foot fetishes are usually pretty tame. But then people do weird highheels fetish porn where they lick the inside of their sweaty highheels. This guy decides a stiletto is the perfect advanced masturbation techniques toy. And why the hell not? Just look at that long, smooth... pointy... painful-looking highheel.

So now that Valentines Day is over, I want to move away from the holidays and a logical follow-up to a holiday where you play dress-up is investigating the depths of the highheels fetish, right? Well it is to me, so you're going to come along with me on this.

Usually foot fetishes and highheel fetishes are just odd, not completely freaky. They can go into the bizarre obviously as we've seen when people get feet in their vaginas and assholes, but normally it's pretty tame across the board.

Then I came to this. It starts and you see some ill-fitting, pretty ugly highheels walk into the scene - there are feet in them and the feet are pretty unattractive, but nothing freak-out worthy.

Then he, yes he, proceeds to licks his highheels. That's a serious highheels fetish right there.

I waited until after Valentines Day to share these precious desserts because... well it's obviously not Valentines Day desserts that they're using. It is really freaky though and all the leftover Valentines candy I saw at the store made me think about this.

Two late 30's women are dressed up in slutty clothing in childish colors, one of them even looks like that pink haired girl from Lazy Town, and one gets big suckers shoved up her pussy.

Serious pussy stretching going on with candy; I ... never wanted to imagine this at all, but now I do want to laugh at it.

I didn't feel much like finding any weird fetish sex pics, stories or videos today so I've opted to put together virtual Valentines gift baskets that you can present to your loved ones, friends, family, exes and enemies either for a good laugh or to suggest they entertain themselves in such a way.

First up is the use of chocolate as Valentines desserts:

Tits and a chocolate food fetish

You know, usually I post videos to laugh at. Usually, all us MSFTs get together and have a great giggle over people's weird fetishes, poorly made videos and all that. But while looking for the perfect Valentines Day present to complete the virtual Valentines gift baskets I've put together here, I found this video.

I did not laugh. Instead, I sat and stared, absolutely transfixed by the erotic, sensual nature of the video.

Perhaps that is the mystery for the sex fetish theater today. How some porn can actually captivate you and seem loving.

Enjoy your Valentines Day gift, MSFTs. I don't see many more videos like this happening.

These aren't really Valentines day balloons, I guess since they're all kinds of colors, but the soft, pastel colors make me think of Valentines Day anyway.

This girl is getting her introduction into the balloon looner fetish; Valentines Day balloon popping fetish for your lolling pleasure. Or if you're feeling daring today, go set up your own Valentines Day games in a bathtub full of balloons! Remember, even if they're latex, they don't protect from STDs, pregnancy or... anything really. You might even get a rash on your snatch.

...just sayin'.

What is a guy to do when he can't get a date for Valentines Day? Using an advanced masturbation technique is obviously necessary to ensure the best holiday cheer, but what you really want is a blowjob on Valentines Day.

Creating your own autofellation video is the answer!

This guy doesn't need a Valentines Day date, he can give himself all the love he needs. Stick with the video to the end; I know it's long, but the cumshot boogers about 12 minutes in had me simultaneously gagging and laughing.

As usual, I almost always end up focusing on the 'male fantasy' during holidays - of course, most porn is made for men so that could be why, and also, most men have the weirdest fucking fetishes they want women to live out, but are too pussy to ask a real woman to do. Thus, sex fetish porn is born.

Anyway, rambling aside, I bring a little something for the ladies and a tiny something for the plushie yiff fans.

What do you mean posing your cock with stuffed animals is weird? And that the odd montage of a random girl at the end is weird? Obviously you're just crazy because this is what every girl wants for Valentines Day.

Dress all pretty for Valentines Day, all those pretty, red balloons laying around and no man or Valentines desserts to be seen. Whatever shall a lonely girl and her... older MILF friend do?

Alternately, these women work at the balloon boutique. Pre-Valentines Day there aren't a lot of calls for balloons. It's a boring job. Whatever shall they do with themselves?

Well, obviously, create a balloon fetish video! Watch these two girls roll around with, pop and bounce on top of those Valentines Day balloons.

Which story did you prefer? I'm so thinking I need to make a porn based on one of those.

More Valentines Day games with chocolate!

According to the throaty, whispery porn star - whom I want to punch for using that fake, stupid sounding voice - this is a hot fudge sundae, so maybe it's more like Valentines desserts than games.

I've never seen three girls pretend to be so happy about sharing one rather lame and unimpressive Valentines dessert before.

I'm kicking off Valentines Day early with some tips for Valentines Day games, desserts, toys and other ideas for the holiday!

What are Valentines Day games without chocolate? Nothing, I tell you, absolutely nothing! So go buy some chocolate sauce and prepare a sexy Valentines Day game for yourself and your lover. Or just yourself if you're single; no reason you can't treat yourself.

Boobs covered in chocolate aught to be great Valentines Day desserts, but... there's something wonky and nasty about those tits. Definitely lulz-worthy, but not Valentines worthy.

Yet more Belladonna! I promised you more freak and I am delivering with this squirting sluts video.

I'm tempted to say there's no bonus points for lesbians this time, because that's what Belladonna seems to prefer doing. I've only seen her fuck men a few times.

Like what you see? Love the thought of a bigger wet spot than before? Teach your girlfriend to squirt!