I know I haven't been updating like I should, but my New Year's resolution is to get way ahead schedule on this blog so even when life gets in the way, I don't have to worry about you not having updates to laugh at and spank to.

So this is my Christmas present to you all. Nothing weird about it, except how much she probably spent on that costume, but it will definitely put some of you in the holiday cheer.

Okay, okay, you fuckin' pervs! I knew just one measly photo wasn't going to tide you over all night, not while you're all hyped up on candy. So here. I went out and found a really slutty chick who is ready to fuck the sense right out of the headless horseman. Wait, can he have sense without a head?

Oh whatever, you don't care about logistics. Here. Get your jollies and your rocks off all in one.

Once upon a time, I mentioned Avatar porn, and today, I deliver! This time I really am talking about the big blue monsters that fuck with their hair.

Sadly, they aren't fucking with their hair. What the hell?! So not canon!

Sadly, other than them being painted rather well to look like the people from Avatar, this was really boring. I say again, if you make porn boring, stop making porn!

His costume is comical beyond belief, so this is definitely not going to be jerk material for you yiffy sex and fursuit fans out there, but the rest of us will definitely get a good laugh. If you record your excitement and then the letdown when you see what his costume looks like, I'd appreciate giggling over it.

What? Too mean? Fursuit sex fetish-ists and yiffy fags don't have feelings. Like hookers and strippers.

Now that I've possibly alienated those of you who think I'm serious, when he fingered her with that glove on, it made my vagina hurt for her.

This is a musical, pornographic rendition of Alice in Wonderland. Yes, musical version. And the singing is actually good; like someone put a lot of thought into these songs and the actors sing well. I kept forgetting this was a porno until some weird sex scene showed up, like getting licked dry by cat people. I want to do movies like this; I have never thought of being a porn actress - mostly just a stripper - but this movie and this director, who is obviously pure awesome, make me wanna do porn.

I made today's title specifically for the yiffy porn lovers of the MSFT leagues because I felt bad - not really - about calling you guys fags the other day (once upon a time, that post came before this one. Oops). How dare I malign such a noble group! The fags haven't done anything wrong!

I have never understood the appeal of a man or woman wearing a headband with animal ears on it. How exactly is that sexy? And it's not just the fursuit sex fetish people or the yiffy porn people that like it. Somewhere along the way society told us little girls with animal ears are cute and women with animal ears are sexy.

If someone has some insight into this, let me know.

And in the meantime, you might want to put the Easter eggs out yourself. I'm pretty sure these are the Easter Bunnies getting their tailholes fucked thoroughly. They also keep violating carrots, so if this is your house, you need to throw out the vegetables.

Happy Easter, MSFTs!

A teenager - legal, but still a teenager - in a Pokemon costume masturbates. Does this count as cosplay? I mean, am I supposed to believe she's a female Pikachu masturbating? Or am I supposed to believe that she's a child who still watches Pokemon and is masturbating. Both options are incredibly creepy, but one is bordering on illegal.

I think I'll stick with old women pretending to be teenage Sailor Moon. I don't feel so squicky about that.

You know, when I see Disney cartoon sex I feel like my childhood is being raped - sometimes literally. For some reason, despite growing up with anime like Dragon Ball Z and Sailor Moon, I have never really been disturbed by cosplay and hentai of it.

And that is why I'm going to do a couple weeks of XXX toon porn! And we're kicking the series off with Sailor Moon cosplay sex. Those boots are seriously fail, and what the hell is wrong with that one guy's dick? I have never seen a dick curve that much. It looks painful... for him and her.

If only real war looked like this there might be more peace and 'love' and less shooting each other.

So, my declaration when I rule the world will be that all soldiers must be female and fight in see-through bikinis. Even if they don't end up having a lesbian orgy like this it'll be way more fun to watch, right?

All I could think after he started with the bizarre anal speculuming was 'oh my God, that woman's peehole is huge!

Does that make me weird? Maybe it makes me jaded. Though you'd think after all those peehole play videos I've seen I wouldn't be affected by large urethras. Maybe it's because hers, along with her whole pussy, looks so dry. It makes me think of someone masturbating completely dry. Why would you do that?! It must hurt so bad!

And why does that fake doctor keep blowing air up her asshole and pussy? What kind of fake gyno exam is this!?

I waited until after Valentines Day to share these precious desserts because... well it's obviously not Valentines Day desserts that they're using. It is really freaky though and all the leftover Valentines candy I saw at the store made me think about this.

Two late 30's women are dressed up in slutty clothing in childish colors, one of them even looks like that pink haired girl from Lazy Town, and one gets big suckers shoved up her pussy.

Serious pussy stretching going on with candy; I ... never wanted to imagine this at all, but now I do want to laugh at it.

Santa rewards his little, blonde bimbo... I mean helper, after she's worked so hard through Christmas. She even gets her own special Christmas present.

Christmas special. Frosty needs love too. Furthermore, she’s fucking his carrot nose. Two fetishes in one!

Santa Claus might be late while making the rounds tonight. Of course, if you got into an orgy with three sluts and your little elf helper, you might be late making some rounds too.

I might have to think about leaving something besides cookies and milk now.

Another weird hentai video, but this one features a shemale fetish with huge tits, I mean really, really, bigger than a man's body huge. She gets milked and then her nipples are actually fucked. No, I don't mean they tit fuck her, I mean the men push their dicks into her nipples and fuck her nipples.

I said weird hentai, didn't I?

We have live-action tentacle porn, can we get this in live action too?

World of Whorecraft dwarf, blood elf and human orgy. What no… backward leg things? What are those things called? The ones with tentacles on their faces and hooves. They always get left out of the alliance orgies! I think I’m jaded, because I got bored during this orgy. The orgy was actually as boring as the story in the second World of Whorecraft episode.

Evelyn fucks a yeti in this really weird costume video. Screw sparkly vampires, World of Warcraft porn trolls, and werewolves, yetis are what all the cute porn stars want to fuck!

World of Whorecraft troll masturbating - is it just me or does she look like a green version of the pig girl? - undead guy getting dick sucked - does that make her a necrophiliac? - and then fucking a succubus - who looks like she has a tail stump. Unlike pig girl, that troll can probably find your truffle.

I know this is just spoof porn but come on! I can do better makeup than this. I have no idea what the story is. I stopped paying attention and just scrolled to the sex scenes after episode 2.

A girl with pig ears and pig tail butt plug crawling in the mud. This girl isn't even a BBW obese girl, like the last posted big, honkin' pig.

Two nuns sucking off a... priest? And then demonstrating some boring vagina fisting skills. At least the triple anal penetration girl made noise like she was alive... even though we all know sex industry workers are dead inside already.

“For it is the cock of Christ, respect it as you would His own.”

“And why do we need to do vagina fisting, Father?”

“Because Christ has premature ejaculation problems, but wishes the brides of God to practice proper pussy stretching.”